The Controversial Widow!

It's been too long since I posted! To be honest, life has been beyond crazy for me and I have once again bitten off more than I can chew!! Thank heavens for Friday nights with all the kids in bed and the hubby as well! It makes for a quiet night to attempt to get caught up on all the many things that I am behind on!!!!

Anyways, a while back, I received a comment from a reader addressing my use of the term "widow" in MSW (Medical Student Widow). I felt that the comments were legitimate and they really got me thinking about the term and the use and possibly the controversy surrounding the very word. Too be exact, here are the quoted comments . . .

Although I've never commented on a blog entry before, I'm compelled to respond to this one because I so strongly disapprove of the W in MSW. The title seriously underestimates our spouses and significant others, who are far from dead, diligently working toward a career that can facilitate a wonderful life for their families. Of course, it also makes light of the plight of actual widows, with whom we cannot begin to identify.

My spouse just began his first "real" job as a hospitalist after completing his internal medicine residency this summer. It's been an adventure, at times a struggle, but never have I felt as though my husband was deceased.

I propose some alternatives: MSA (Medical Student Affiliate or Medical Student Advocate) or MSS (Medical Student Supporter). Of course, none of these acronyms applies to me anymore. I'm just a plain, ol' DW (Doctor's Wife), a proud, loving DW.

I want to say thank you to Tracy! Thank you for addressing your concern and commenting here! I truly appreciate your thoughts! Your comment really got me to thinking and I have come up with a few thoughts that I wanted to share . . .

When I referred to the term "widow," I was truly referring to it in the informal sense. According to dictionary.com, widow means "a woman often left alone because her husband devotes his free time to a hobby or sport (used in combination)." After much thought and based strictly on this technical aspect, I do feel that I am often left alone (with the kids!) because my husband is devoting all his time to the hospital! In no way did I mean any offense to those who have truly lost a spouse and I apologize if I have offended anyone because of it.

On a deeper level though, do I feel this same way? I originally used the term loosely, more in a joking manner. However, I truly feel at a loss. When viewing "widow" in the truest sense, a woman looses her husband and she goes through the grieving process . . . (1) shock & denial, (2) pain & guilt, (3) anger & bargaining, (4) "depression," reflection & loneliness, (5) the upward turn, (6) reconstruction & working through, and (7) acceptance & hope. As I began to examine this angle a little more, I realized . . . some of this sounds all too familiar to me!

I did go through a bit of denial . . . when my husband was gone for two straight months immediately following the birth of my daughter, I denied his absence with constantly scheduling something for my kids and I to do. I knew that if I sat at home, it would be all too obvious that he was not home and that I was on my own. Did it really help? Nope! I was simply in the midst of avoidance!

Lately, I have honestly be going through some bouts of anger . . . Since my husband has started residency, I have discovered that I was very understanding of his long hours during clinical rotations. He would be gone overnight, 20+ hours at a time, and it simply didn't bother me . . . maybe that was a bit more denial as well?!? Whatever the case, in the past months, I have not been as understanding and I have found myself getting angry with my husband for the littlest things. Why does he have to work so hard and then come home and do NOTHING?!?! I work all day too, then pick the kids up from school, head home to cook (well, honestly, that is only sometimes!), clean, put the kids to bed, and go to bed to get up and do it all again the next morning. Why can't he help out? Why must I do it ALL? Seriously . . .

But then I had an epiphany a couple of weeks ago . . . As I was sitting on the couch with my husband after he worked 14+ hours in trauma, I was attempting to have a conversation with him. Then I realized, he was not able to process one thing I was saying. His mind had shut down for the day! My counseling background kicked in and I realized something . . . he has been operating in crisis mode ALL day! His mind simply needed to shut down and prepare for the next day of operating in crisis mode once again. Being the sarcastic one that I was, I simply said . . . "Wow!! You are simply a marshmallow!! Go to bed!!" I did not mean it to be offensive at all! He simply needed his downtime to rejuvenate and I finally realized this!!

However, I'm not moving into the upward turn quite yet! I have my tendencies to move towards loneliness and depression at times. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if we hadn't chosen the doctor route. Would I be as lonely? Many of my friends and family members simply don't get what the kids and I have to go through at times. The hardest times for me are when my son is whining about wanting to see his Daddy. I am then the one that has to explain to him that Daddy is helping people get better at the hospital. I have to explain to him that Daddy loves him, despite the fact that we haven't seen him for than an hour a day for the last month. There are those times that tears are in my eyes as I am telling my son this . . . simply because I am missing my husband as well!

Then, of course, I do have those moments of hope . . . I see those rays of sunlight at the end of the tunnel. I tell myself that there are days in the very near future where we will get to see Daddy again! I feel the hope and I want to accept this new life, but to put it simply . . . I'm just not there yet! I'm getting there . . .

To get back to the point of the controversy behind the term "widow" . . . I would be open to using another term . . . BUT, I have yet to find one that can accurately represent what we as the spouses and significant others of these doctors and future doctors go through. We make sacrifices. Our children make sacrifices. And, simply, the man I married is not the same man that I am married to today. A bit of an evolution does take place. We do suffer losses. We do grieve . . . whether it is simply due to the absences or something more complex. I intend to stick by the term "widow" simply because I think it more genuinely portrays who we are and what we do . . . and we stick by our students/residents/doctors still! We DO advocate for them. We DO support them. We ARE proud!!!

I just feel that it is also important to advocate for each other, support each other, and be proud of what we as "widows" have also done along the way. We have loved, we have lost, and we simply have to share . . . whether we like it or not! I am always hearing that there is a strong woman behind every doctor. I now know why . . . and I stand TALL!!

So Tracy . . . thank you again for your thoughts! I think on this one we will just have to disagree! But know this . . . I will still continue to be here as your support and your advocate if and when you are experiencing those hard times. I will understand despite our differences in opinion . . .

A Month in the ER

**This was actually written a while ago, but we keep forgetting to post!**

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Well, my first month of internship is now over and done with and looking back I can easily say it wasn’t as bad as I figured it would be. It was tough however. I spent the month in the ER in the downtown of one of the worst violent crime cities in the country. I had a total of 20 shifts, 10+ hours in length on average, and busy the entire time. Eight of those shift were nights, 10 pm to 8 am. Intermixed with these shifts were lectures on Tuesday and Thursdays lasting from 2-4 hours (didn’t matter if you had the day off, you had better be there). It was an unusual month in that during my time in the ER all of the actual ER residents were staffing during the month as well. However, the thing that bothered me the most is even though I worked 20 shifts, the most that any one ER resident worked was 11 shifts TOTAL. Also, I (or the other non-ER intern), were always scheduled for working the night before lectures. So even after working our busy shift we had to try and sit through up to 4 hours of lectures afterwards, go home and try to sleep, and then come back again that night for more. With that rant out of the way I felt that I did learn a lot during my month and that I had a lot of flexibility in my medical decisions. Towards the end of my rotation I was ordering tests, and not just basic labs, without the attending overseeing it. That’s not to say I wouldn’t staff the patient with the attending it’s just that if he/she was in seeing a different patient I would at least get some of the testing started in the mean time. Procedures were never an issue either. I had more than enough suturing. Enough so that I was more than happy to pass some of it off to the medical students that were rotating. I also was able to intubate on several occasions as well as run my own conscious sedation for a joint relocation. The majority of the attendings were good to work with but there were a few that weren’t. For those I would groan when I saw their name on the schedule and just power through it. Even the ER residents couldn’t stand some of them. Oh well, that’s going to happen in any department I guess.

To be honest I could never see myself doing that the rest of my life. There is a lot of variety in the work but at the same time there isn’t. Nothing made me unhappy like seeing the triage diagnosis of “dizzy” or “weak all over” in an 85 year old on the paperwork. 90% of the time these people have had this chronically and just wanted another opinion. Being in the ER we had to oblige that and consult someone to look into it (as most of the time it was nothing we could fix). It’s not that these people don’t need relief; it’s just not realistic to think that the doctors in the ER can solve this problem. Then there were those people who used the ER for clinic work. There were a lot of these folks. They would have a sore throat, diarrhea for two days, vomiting since this morning, etc. Yes, these can be signs of more important and serious disease processes but most of the time (over 99% of my cases) they were young, relatively healthy people with gastroenteritis, or a viral URI. It doesn’t make me wonder why the ER is backed up for hours on end.

I won’t be writing about my ambulatory rotation as it was laid back and doesn’t seem worth writing about.

We ARE Still Alive!!!

Craig and I have not posted anything for the longest time here! We wanted to let all of our readers know that we are still alive and kicking!! Things have been hectic since I have returned to work full-time. The hours as an intern have been especially brutal these last couple of months. We still have tons of boxes to unpack. And, my personal list of things to do has pretty much grown to the length of a short novel.

I do have good news, however!! Personally, I feel that I am finally getting the hang of things. The schedule and routine are still chaotic, especially with Craig's ever-changing schedule . . . BUT, I do feel that I have more time to work on more enjoyable things like writing for my blogs! (I will NOT speak for Craig on this one though because that is simply NOT true for him!)

Anyways, just wanted to post a quick note. I've got a lot of things planned to appear here. And, Craig has some that he has written, but has just not gotten around to posting yet. Starting tomorrow, I am going to make it a goal to post a minimum of once a week on a variety of topics. We may even have a fun giveaway in the near future!! If you have requests or would like to write a guest post yourself, send me an email. We love to hear from our readers!!

"100 Blog Posts You Should Read Before Going to Med School"

This morning I woke up to an email informing me that one of our posts has been featured in a list of medical school information resources!!! What a great way to start out the week!!! As I read through the article, however, I discovered that this is a great wealth of information and I encourage all of you to check it out!!

100 Blog Posts You Should Read Before Going to Med School

It contains information on getting into medical school, as well as a lot of additional information in regards to finances, residencies, advice from medical students, and so much more. Check it out and enjoy!!

Oh, and in case you were wondering which of our posts was chosen . . . Residency Relocation Loans was the lucky one!!

Connect With Us on Twitter!!!

These days, we (well, maybe I should actually say me!!) are all about the social media and trying to connect with other medical families out there. We want to chat with our peers, commiserate over the experience, and support those that may need it. A few months ago, we hooked up with fellow spouses and significant others in OUR MEDICAL LIVES Facebook group. Now, we have yet another way to stay connected. We are now on Twitter!! I don't know how much we will actually update there, but our intention is to update it as we update posts as well as when we come across interesting articles on the internet. It is an open account, so feel free to follow us and join in any conversations! We love to hear from our readers, however it may be!!

How Will Obama's Healthcare Plan Affect Us?

I'm going to be honest here . . . I have been completely ignoring this whole controversy surrounding Obama's proposed healthcare plan. But then, I got to thinking . . . this plan could affect our family more so than just your average citizen. We may be affected because my husband is a doctor! So, I decided to do a little research to learn a little more about it. In my very simplied and neutral terms, the following is what I have discovered . . .

According to Barack Obama's website, Organizing for America, he believes that the current system is simply not working . . . those who are uninsured are becoming a larger number every day, people who are insured are being denied claims, and insurance premiums are out of this world. His solution is trifold:

1. Reform the system
2. Promote advancements
3. Improve prevention

How is this going to be done? According to Health Care Full Plan by Obama and Biden,

The Obama-Biden plan will improve efficiency and lower costs in the health care system by: (1) adopting state-of-the-art health information technology systems; (2) ensuring that patients receive and providers deliver the best possible care, including prevention and chronic disease management services; (3) reforming our market structure to increase competition; and offering federal reinsurance to employers to help ensure that unexpected or catastrophic illnesses do not make health insurance unaffordable or out of reach for businesses and their employees.

To highlight a few of the pieces within this plan that may have a greater impact on the doctor's themselves . . .

• Align incentives for excellence. Both public and private insurers tend to pay providers based on the volume of services provided, rather than the quality or effectiveness of care.21 Barack Obama and Joe Biden will accelerate efforts to develop and disseminate best practices, and align reimbursement with provision of high quality health care.
• Reform medical malpractice while preserving patient rights. Increasing medical malpractice insurance rates are making it harder for doctors to practice medicine22 and raising the costs of health care for everyone.23 Barack Obama and Joe Biden will strengthen antitrust laws to prevent insurers from overcharging physicians for their malpractice insurance. Barack Obama and Joe Biden will also promote new models for addressing physician errors that improve patient safety, strengthen the doctor patient relationship, and reduce the need for malpractice suits.

The plan claims "affordable, accessible coverage options for all" in the following ways through a multitude of mediums, including individual responsibility, integrated prevention in school systems, different levels of government, and within the work force:

1. Guaranteed eligibility.
2. New affordable, accessible coverage health insurance options with comprehensive benefits; affordable premiums, co-pays and deductibles; simplified paperwork; easy enrollment; portability and choice; and quality and efficiency.
3. Tax credits for families and small businesses.
4. Employer contribution.
5. Required coverage of children.
6. Expansion of Medicaid and SCHIP.
7. Flexibility for state plans.

**Please note that this information was retrieved using the above links and it is encouraged to read the full report to acquire a broader knowledge base on the subject. All verbage in italics are direct quotes.**

With all this in mind, I'm curious . . . how do you, as someone who will be greatly affected by this change, believe this plan will affect our everyday lives? Though from much of the talk and through a multitude of conversations, I have gathered that many in the medical field do not agree with this piece of reform for various reasons. If you are of this population, please share what these reasons may be. If you are in agreeance with the plan, please share your thoughts on the strengths that have won you over.

After reading this, have I formed an opinion of my own? Not at this time!! I still do not believe myself educated enough currently as to how it will affect the lives of doctors! I think that there are pieces that, in theory, can be very well intentioned. However, in reality, how will it truly play out? As I am still gathering all the details, I encourage you to share your thoughts and opinions. And, even if you do not have anything in particular to say, please still take a few seconds and vote on my poll in the sidebar. I want to know the general consensus of our peers!! Thanks in advance!!

Osteopathic vs Allopathic: The Superiority Debate

I've been doing some reading lately of some online articles related to the field of medicine. The main subjects vary, but upon reading the comments, the focus always ends up on what seems to be the ultimate debate: Is osteopathic medicine or allopathic medicine superior? Two examples can be found by clicking on the links below (and don't forget to peruse the comments as well!):

Doctor Shortage Looms as Primary Care Loses Its Pull (USA Today)
Caribbean Medical Schools: A Good Option? (Student Doctor Network)

I don't have a lot of time to write at the moment, so I will be coming back to this topic. For now, I just want to ask . . . Why the debate? Why must there be a superior field? Both have equal rights in practice for a reason. Why can we not just work together in healing?

What are your thoughts?