Achieving the Dreams

Since we have embarked on this journey, I have come to meet so many supportive men and women as they stand by their doctors-in-training and watch on the sidelines as they achieve some of their wildest dreams.  I have seen encouragement and love in so many different ways, one of which is constantly moving all over the country for the many different stages that this journey may bring.

In 2011, our family finished up six official years of this journey, from med school to internship and finally, into residency.  There have been a multitude of good times and for us, the year also brought on many, many challenges.  It was a year that will be cemented in my memory for both extremes.

Back in 2009, we were graced with a guest article by Jayne the Wise.  When I read this, I "got it."  I loved the advice that she had to give and I wanted to share her wisdom with all my friends and readers.  It is all too common that many of us can get caught up in the negative.  We become bitter with the every day hassles of training and annoyed with the long hours of being on our own, without our partners, awaiting the day until this training is complete.  The fact is that times can be hard and we can get "stuck."

At the beginning of 2011, bad news came with the ringing of the new year.  To name just a few ... no dryer for three months (imagine line drying laundry in your basement for this length of time for a family of four!), identity theft, and a tornado sweeping through our neighborhood (thankfully, we did not experience any damage, but many only blocks away were not so lucky).  Then, I lost someone very close to me after a wicked battle with cancer.  BUT, amongst all of this, I had an opportunity fall into my lap that has left me with a changed state of mind and helped me to recover.  For the past four years, I have been writing here on this site and more often, on my blog about books.  Writing has always been a part of my life in one way or another, but I never considered it more than just a hobby.  This little opportunity turned my little hobby into a little paycheck, and I am now writing part-time as a freelance writer.  My secret little dream of becoming a published author one day became a not-so-secret little reality.

As I reflect on this past year, I came to realize that this little dream of mine would not have been even a remote possibility UNLESS we as a family were on this journey together.  I never could have imagined that this journey of achieving my husband's dreams could have brought me a bit of my own.  As I began to think about more than just this past year, I came to realize that so many other positives have come from this journey . . . Two gorgeous children that are learning so much and becoming so resilient thanks to our hardships and successes.  Traveling the country and living in places that I never would have otherwise, and consequently, meeting so many amazing people that have made me a better person and my life richer.  I have been exposed to jobs that have helped me to grow in my profession and assist in figuring out where my next step should be.  And, of course, I have come to discover that my words can matter and my ultimate dream of becoming a published author of a fiction novel may one day also become a reality.  Over these past six years, I have come to discover that this partnership has achieved so many dreams ... some that we have always had and some that have only lay hidden in our subconscious until the opportunity arose and allowed us to see that there was more to this journey then we have ever imagined.

Two years ago, Jayne the Wise shared her advice and I "got it."  Today, I truly understand it more than I ever have before and I only hope that this understanding continues to deepen as we finalize this journey and move onward to bigger and better dreams!

Your Turn:  I want to hear about your dreams and aspirations!  What dreams have you seen come true on your journey?  What do you see coming in the future (if you are feeling up to a bit of prediction)?

A New Year, A New Plan

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know that it has been far too long since I posted here - more than six months to be exact.  The year 2011 was a difficult one for our household for a variety of reasons - a crazy work schedule, an increased child activity schedule, and a death in our family to name just a few.  Now that it is a new year, I am hoping to start fresh.  I have mapped out some great discussion topics, articles that I've been thinking about for a while now, and have even been working to line up some guest posts from others that I have met along the medical journey.  My goal is to post only once per week as my other writing habits will be taking up the rest of my free time (the little that I have).  In fact, my little hobby of writing was the one positive thing that came out of 2011!  I will not go into a lot of details at this point because I am saving those for a later post, but it has become an exciting opportunity for me!

In the meantime, I want to discuss what is to come (besides Our Medical Lives being back in business!).  This will be another big year for us.  We are quickly approaching the final year of residency, which means the decision of Chief Resident will be made and decisions about what will come next is on the horizon.  My hubby is currently debating a fellowship immediately following residency and plans to officially make his decision and begin applying in the spring.  Let's be honest ... the decision has already been made!  I have had mixed feelings about this decision, but what it really comes down to is moving AGAIN!  I am sure that I will be revisiting this topic again in the near future, so I won't go off on that tangent at this point in time either!

What I do want to get to is what you have planned (for those of you still out there following our little site!).  What are your resolutions for 2012?  Any big plans?  Any big beginnings?  Any big decisions or events coming your way?  Do tell!

Check Out This Giveaway!!

I meant to get this posted earlier, but I just now have time!  We are sponsoring one of the giveaways over on the blog, Lives of Doctor Wives, featuring the following cookbook compiled by spouses and significant others of medical students from A.T. Still University - Kirksville College of Osteopathic Medicine.

There are a number of other really great prizes, but you have to hurry!  Deadline is tomorrow, June 30th for entries!!

Click over there right now!!

Review: In Stitches by Anthony Youn M.D.

Meet Anthony Youn M.D., a well-known plastic surgeon, making appearances on such shows as The Rachael Ray Show, Doctors, and The CBS Early Show.  When you hear these high accolades, your view of this man grows and your vision may include a pedestal or a mountain.  Youn, in fact, is a man that has accomplished many things, but as he shares his life with us in his memoir, In Stitches, the reader comes to realize that this man climbed that mountain, faced many obstacles, overcame them, and all have contributed to the man he is today.  And, for many readers of Our Medical Lives, it is a journey that may be all too familiar to you and your family.

Youn begins his life story by sharing his experiences of growing up in a traditional Korean-American home, but as the only minority family in a small community in Michigan.  His father is a doctor himself and strongly encourages both his sons to follow in his medical footsteps.

Youn then continues into his college years, sharing his struggles through the pre-med coursework, the MCAT prep, and the continued urging from his father to stay the medical course.

In the final part of the memoir, Youn shares his experiences of the medical school years . . . the late nights, the hospital rotations, the treatment of those above him, and those moments that point him to his destiny.

Overall, it is an amusing and raw story.  Youn shares his triumphs and struggles, even those during the awkward years.  Though I felt the relationship-craving was a bit much (at least for me), I also believe it was a genuine piece to his journey that he bravely shared.  Since my husband has "been there, done that" recently, Youn's story hits close to home, his tales sounding a bit familiar, and to put it simply . . . . real.  Pre-med students, those with dreams of being a doctor . . . any kind of doctor . . . should read In Stitches.  I even recommend those students who are even in medical school to give the book a try.  It can be a great prep of what's to come, a great normalizer of the struggles, and a light at the end of a tunnel signifying a VERY LONG journey.

I will leave you with two quotes that have really stuck with me . . .

Overall, medical school means study.  And then study some more.  And when you finish all that studying, you will definitely feel the need to study. (p. 94)

It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of disease a person has.  (Hippocrates reference p. 173)

Thank you to Sneak Attack Media for providing a copy of In Stitches as well as sponsoring a giveaway of the book hosted here in April.  For more information, visit the following websites:

http://amzn.to/institchesbook 

www.institchesbook.com

Definition of Helping

Last month, I posted a topic titled Helping vs Hindering that focused on if we as spouses or significant others were helping our doctors-in-training or if we were hindering them by being a bit helicopter-ish.  I encourage you to read that post before continuing with this one, including the comments.  If you have read it, feel free to revisit the conversation.

--Cue Elevator Music--

Now that we are all refreshed and on the same page, let's move on to where I wanted to now take this conversation.  Instead of talking around this issue, let's talk about practical ideas of what is helpful and what may have the potential of being harmful.  I always like to end with a positive, so let's start with the latter.

THE DON'TS

When a doc can manage
their own schedule,
everyone wins!

• Do NOT write a personal statement or complete applications in any way or form.  Your student or doctor-in-training needs his/her voice and personality to shine through in written form.  If you do it, then there will be a disconnect when it comes to interview time.
• Do NOT call potential medical schools, internships, residencies, or practices for information.  
• Do NOT attempt to schedule elective rotations via phone or email contacts.
• Do NOT take care of every single thing around the house.  Leave something for the student or doctor-in-training to take care of.  (Many may gasp at this one, but keep reading because I address this one in more detail below!)

THE DO'S

• DO assist your student or doctor-in-training behind the scenes to enhance an application.  This can mean proofing and providing feedback on his/her written work.
• DO quiz your spouse or significant other for upcoming interviews.  Google common interview questions and start throwing questions out there at random times of the day.  Not only will this ready him/her for the interviews, but it will also prepare for "pimping" during the training years!
• Do your research!  This journey is not just about the doctor, but the entire family.  The decisions can affect each and every member of the household.  You can research the programs, but this can probably be more effectively done by the student or doctor-in-training him/herself because it is his/her day-to-day experiences.  You, on the other hand, will be experiencing everything else on a daily basis . . . the city, the job possibilities (if applicable), the things to do when s/he is gone for endless hours/days/weeks at a time.  ALL of this will be an important piece of the puzzle when trying to figure out the next step!

An example dish created by my Doctor Chef!

• DO your household chores ... but, do NOT do them all as I mentioned above!  And, this is why ... You want to make sure that there is still a place for him/her at home.  Don't do everything so that s/he does not feel that there is no longer a place for him/her.  This "leftover" stuff may be small, but the message will be so very important.  (At our house, my husband cooks whenever he has the chance.  He loves to cook and it can serve as his stress relief.  And, the added bonus ... I don't like to cook!)
• DO involve the student or doctor-in-training in as much stuff as possible, even s/he is gone.  With the long hours of a resident, my husband is rarely home, so he tends to miss a lot of stuff with our children.  Therefore, turn those absences into new opportunities!  On those long days and nights, I still send lots of pictures and texts and leave voice messages for him to listen to when he has the chance.  It could just be the kids making funny faces.  It could be the kids telling Daddy good night.  It could even be just boring notes that incorporates him/her into the daily life and allows the feeling of being a part of even the little things.

These are just a few things that I can come up with.  Now, it is your turn.  Do you have any thoughts to add to what I have listed?  Would you add anything to the list yourself for either a DO or a DON'T?  

Helping vs Hindering

Are we as spouses or significant others helping or hindering our students/interns/residents?  This is a question that I have been pondering for quite some time as I have had conversations with fellow advocates or eavesdropped on others, but it is now that I have decided to try to put this into words and share a few thoughts with all of you.

I think I will start with a little background on myself from the professional standpoint.  I work in higher education and have almost 10 years of experience with students in one capacity or another.  Over the past few years, the habits of generations have changed, and the largest thing that I have noticed is more involvement from parents.  This involvement of parents is often referred to as "helicopter parents."  Throughout my studies on this topic and my own experiences, I have firmly come to believe that as a "helicopter," a message is sent to the students or children that they are not capable of doing things on their own, unless that parent is right there to correct it or fix it for you.  As someone in higher education, I literally dread interacting with these "helicopters."  I want to work with the student directly because it is his/her education and s/he should take charge of his/her own college career.  This topic alone can be controversial, but stay with me for a moment.

As I have been going through this medical journey, I have often seen fellow spouses and significant others wanting to be helpful to their students, particularly during fourth year when out-rotations are being scheduled and applications for residencies are in process.  I hear of spouses and significant others being the ones to set up out-rotations, making the phone calls, being the ones to talk to the multitude of programs.  And, I ask you . . . Are you being a "helicopter" spouse or significant other?  

Let's take this a step further . . . Have you ever considered how this supposed helping may portray your student to the possible rotation site or internship/residency program?  Are they thinking the same thing that I'm thinking when I talk to my "helicopter" parents . . . Why the heck isn't this student taking charge of this situation him/herself?  Is s/he not capable?  How much is this truly helping the student to be a responsible citizen if s/he is having Mom or Dad do everything?  Are the prospective programs thinking . . . Why is this med student having someone else do his/her dirty work?  Is s/he incapable of doing it? Will s/he be able to handle our program?  As an intern or resident, a doctor in training needs to be able to handle many, many details at once, including the paperwork and phone calls that come with it.  S/he is not even able to multitask as a student!

This may be taking it a bit to the extreme, but I want to leave you with these thoughts.  You may be thinking you are helping your student or intern/resident; however, you may ultimately be hindering them with the unspoken message that is being portrayed.  In a competitive world, do you really want to take this chance?!?

As a spouse or significant other, what is your opinion on this topic?  How about from the doctor or student doctor perspective?  Are these actions helping or hindering? 

For more information on helicopter parenting, you can visit Wikipedia or read this TIME magazine article.  In fact, The Examiner has a great article featuring the above comic with ways to determine if you are hovering and how you may be more helpful.  It is meant for parents, but can easily be applied to us as spouses or significant others supporting the (student) doctors!

Giveaway Winner of In Stitches!

I am so excited to announce the winner of In Stitches by Dr. Anthony Youn!  Drum roll please . . . .

Jonnie

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You have until 5:00 pm on Friday, April 29th to respond to my email.  If there is no response, then a new winner will be drawn!

If you didn't win, but are interested in owning a copy of this book yourself, today is your lucky day as the book is now in stores!!